Today was so gloomy. It was very nice though. I got to see people I hadn't seen since winter break. We had lunch and coffee. (We sound like adults!) I realized (too late) that I missed a lot of opportunities earlier in life to hang out with someone. But maybe we can fix it somehow? I feel like I always do this. And then it's too late. Today was just so nice though, it was almost sad.

Tomorrow I have to work again. I am not enthused but at least I know what I'm doing in the morning so I'll have something to occupy my time with. 

Why isn't there ever enough time? I wish I could develop relationships with everyone. Meaningful ones. Ones where I could talk to them anytime. About anything. But there's never enough time. I know I could call anyone if I wanted to... but, at the same time... I can't. Life is too short to explore all it's possibilities. I try as hard as I can but when I'm sitting in that office wasting time all I can think about are all the other things I could be doing. I hate money. It ruins everything...


Now (And Then) - by Billy Corgan. It perfectly matches the weather. But it makes me sad. It's so pretty though. Are all sad things so beautiful? 

More than anything else, I want everyone to be happy. I want to laugh with you and be happy always. I want us all to stay friends forever and not listen to that horribly depressing graduation speech, to break that stereotype and be friends forever. I know we'll grow apart and we'll change. That's part of life. But if we can still stay together and talk about the changes and just... haha, I wish life was as simple as that. But I promise I'll try. Even if texting is the only way we communicate, I will try. 

I am being bad and leaving homework until the last minute. I think other people might as well... but it's raining really hard and I don't want to run to the architecture building...
It looks like fall... even though it is raining... I wish it would stop, it's going to knock all the leaves down. I wish they didn't use the leaf-blowers to clear the grass. I want the leaves to stay on the ground. I've been listening to Sufjan all morning and it's nice. I'm waiting to go to lunch with Nate. I doubt there'll be anything good to eat there but maybe I'll have cereal again. It looks like the rain lightened up a little. I really need puddle boots. But I really don't want to spend money on them. Besides that my pant legs aren't fitted enough to go into boots without getting all wrinkly.
Today is somehow nice, even though I lost it for a minute earlier and got all sad-y. But I am good now. It's so weird that today is okay even though the weather is so yucky. Usually this kind of weather is mopey and sleep-inducing, but today maybe because the weather is warmer, it's somehow acceptable. I was looking at pictures of some asylum in another state and it reminded me of AMHI and the arsenal. I wish I was there now instead of here. Except are most of the leaves gone now? It's been a few weeks since that day, and the tree was completely colored... so perhaps the leaves are mostly gone...

I have to do a lot of work tonight. I have to be motivated. I can do this. I can finish all of these things. I just have to try harder not to lose concentration.


And I cried myself to sleep last night
For the Earth, and materials, they may sound just right to me

Even with the rest belated, everything is antiquated
Are you writing from the heart?
Are you writing from the heart?


I really wish I could write songs too. I love Sufjan! <3

Why is it raining again??
I didn't notice until just now. The sun was out a little while ago. It made me so happy and alive and then it left. :(

What was that dream about? We were outside looking at the sandbar and the sea, and the sea was crashing around us and it was cold and Chelsea and I wanted to jump in and swim underwater, but it was so cold. But then we did anyway and it wasn't cold at all. And we could see underwater and it was strange. But then it ended.

I like waking up next to you, even if the bed is too small and I am stuffed in the corner against the wall. I like eating Reeses Puffs with you and playing FIFA '07 even though I can't play and you always win. I just wish I didn't have all this homework to do. And Jake was doing his laundry last night so I couldn't do mine. :/ He ate as much food as I did yesterday.

When I was walking back to my dorm just now I felt so many things. A wave of happiness for the fall, a wave of sadness for the fall that I'm missing at home, a wave of apathy and acceptance, and then the smells. The smell of malaysian restaurants with their fruit juices, the smell of home, the smell of autumn, the smell of something else that's familiar but impossible to place.

Hm... I guess I should go to the studio now. The cafeteria is closed anyway. I will do my laundry tonight somehow. I need to figure out how to get my drawings to the studio without them getting wet. :p I thought it was safe today. Dumb rain.

It's raining. That means no swimming. Huge bummer. I wonder if we can do something else instead... Psh... stupid rain.
But in other news, I love this song. I already wrote about it before. But um, it's nice. And I saw them at warped a couple years ago and they were good.
Well, I should do something productive until someone drops me a line in regard to our plans.

"...oh please tell me that you're alright, yeah everything is alright..."




The catwalk!