Since there's no one home I am using this opportunity to listen to Billy as loud as I want. Apart from being afraid of breaking the speakers, it's nice to have his music and voice fill my room. I wish that I could make music. It's kind of funny I guess, I've been reading NANA like it's my job. But that story is so full of unfortunate twists. It's like a soap opera. I wish I could hear the music they made though. Yazawa draws such beautiful people. Haha, oh idealization.

Bliss hm? I should aim for that. Is that like living in the moment? Like that man said? More like a spring than a river? Hahaha, and then Therrien mercilessly questioned him. We all listened dumbfounded. Hahahaha, I do and don't miss high school. 

Emotional rollercoasters suck. Crying sucks. Like I told you, I ended up laughing and crying because someone made me laugh. It was closer to how I was feeling though, so that was a little weird. "Are you sad because I can't afford to buy you good gifts?" You are so silly. I hate how attached I am to material things. But if I can't assign a memory to something solid, something within reach, I feel like I'll forget it. My memory is just not what it used to be. (80 years old?) I can't gauge a year. I can't even tell you what a month feels like. Is the fourth dimension really time? Haha, I don't even want to try to grasp such a concept. I'm not looking for the truth. It's different for everyone. So I don't mind what happens. I just wish PMS didn't come with this. It's the most ridiculous thing I've ever known. 

I wish I knew you for real. You'd be an awesome friend. Haha, your emails are the best ones I ever get. The best ones I've ever gotten. Though I do miss those days in Malaysia... emailing. Freshman year? I wish I had had a laptop then. Or maybe not. 


Oh oh. I miss the sun.